My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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