normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
