I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
