I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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