I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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