CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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