I wish I could teleport
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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