You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
