Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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