Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
