WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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