turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Two words: nipple clamps
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