Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
