Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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