A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
