I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
