Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
