just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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