can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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