you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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