You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
