i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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