I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
