do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
