thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
