I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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