sarcasm needs its own font
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
