Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
