listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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