Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
