I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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