yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
