ya dads aren't the best wingmen
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
