You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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