So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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