She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
