I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize