sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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