he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
