One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
