pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
