Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
