I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
