Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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