just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize