walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
