stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
