That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
