I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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