is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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