Whats the glycemic index on semen?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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