three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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