I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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