My nipple is on Facebook.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
