I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
