I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
