nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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