Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
