wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
