You made me cry and you don't even care
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize