oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This baby is an asshole
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
