dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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