Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
