Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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