Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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