love makes seman taste better
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
