I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
