thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Still dying that you shit outside
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
