There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
