New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
