I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
