ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I could make wine with my vomit
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
