I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
