Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
