There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
