is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
