everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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