3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
