i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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