How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize