Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
