i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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