Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
