Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
