you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize