Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
