then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
