this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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