We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
