Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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