Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
