never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
