forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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