My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
