tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it's like iHOP with fire
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
