If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
