I will die if light touches me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
