Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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