ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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