...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We need to get me chipped asap
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
