if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
