I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
