Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
