I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
