I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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