I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
