It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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