last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
