the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
