Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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