Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
