Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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