Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
