God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
