I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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